So I still can’t believe the state of crazy this country has come to. Last night I saw the news to find out that Paul Pelosi was attacked by….an evil hippie. Yeah you read that right. I knew it was going to be a right wing extremist. But a right wing hippie? Seriously? Is California now in competition with Florida over how insane to be? Mother Fucker is crazy.
This looney toon protested all laws that force people to wear cloths. His girlfriend “Gypsy” had a show called “9/11 Uncensored” where she talked about 9/11 truth conspiracy theories……. while naked. And he also thinks the 2020 election was stolen. Oh, and he makes hemp jewelry 🤔. I laughed when I read that part in the article.
American Media has such an anal retentive obsession with putting every inch of detail into their stories. That they actually think people will care if this guy made hemp jewelry or not. You know, after reading that some psycho attacked somebody else with a hammer and that he protested wearing cloths, I don’t think anyone is really interested in that part of his history. Really I just summarized the whole article for you with this. The only thing I didn’t mention was his name. Which is in the article.
What I really want to know is, how the Fuck did he get inside her home so easily? Don’t these people have security? King Ben! What’s your take on this shit?
– M
Adventures of A Mage In Miami 
My take is he needs security on the scale of what I am requesting for my underground fortress and castle with a mote. Definitely alligators and fire arrows.
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My Lord, we need to hire a proper security team. Today it’s evil hippies, tomorrow it’s evil Emos! 😱
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If I had my fortress, I wouldn’t need a security team. Can’t trust those people anyways.
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Perhaps, but we can train the squirrels to become fighters. They can patrol your property and tear the flesh off of humans!
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Yes, squirrels will do the trick. It’s the humans I don’t trust.
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And rightfully so Sire
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Yes, the humans like to talk to me. What they don’t understand is that I don’t want them to talk to me.
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We must create the Bitter Army filled with people who hate each other IMMEDIATELY
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Yes, then they would not only take down everyone around, but also eliminate themselves when they were done, so I wouldn’t have to worry about loyal lieutenants that want to suck up to me and talk strategy all the time.
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Hey! I’m your loyal lieutenant and I suck up to you!
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That’s true. I will make an exception for you, since you are loyal.
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Thank you Sire 🙏
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You’re welcome but get back to work protecting me.
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I’ve already begone training the Squirrels my bitter Lord
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The squirrels should be good distractions for all the dogs trying to attack.
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Because this is Florida, Gun Laws are slack. So I hired a local Militia to train the squirrels and arm them with mini semi automatic rifles. They have bullets that are even more dangerous than the normal sized ones. Imagine a bullet the size of a pea that can penetrate the enemy’s skull at the speed of light. Before they draw their first breath to fire, they’ll fall dead my Liege.
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The planning seems to be going to…plan. I think once the squirrels are trained, they can then train the lions. Then the lions can train the goats. Then the cows and so on. I want an animal militia to keep a 40-level deep security perimeter around the barracks.
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My Lord THAT’S GENIUS! We can protect the animal populations around the world from the impending apocalypse and then have them trained as a loyal army to fight for you!
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We simply can’t trust the humans, so we will build an animal army. They don’t talk back.
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And we can pay them in food!
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Yeah, throw them a bone every once in a while from my leftover meat.
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Or the meat of thine enemies
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That would be my favorite.
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😈
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