It’s a pain in the ass to have OCD. So much attention to detail. It’s hard to finish anything because I am such a damn perfectionist. This has served me well in other times. But it’s also hard to let go of shit.
I have been studying demonic pacts, curses objects, strategic sorceries, and odd histories lately. I guess that means I have a degree in batshit crazy. I think it’s time I returned to my Reiki practice.
It may provide some perspective in my life. Gods know I need it. Mostly I am thinking about treks through wild forests. And strangely enough I have been thinking of England, Cuba, and Nigeria. These are countries where much of my magic and religious faiths come from.
As far as I know, I don’t have any English or Nigerian ancestry. I know some of my ancestors are Sun Saharan African. And obviously I’m Cuban so that makes sense. But why England? I have been captivated by that country for a long time. How could I feel so at home with a culture and nation that doesn’t seem to have any blood tie to me?
I have only one theory. Some of the Spaniards were members of the Celtic tribes. Particularly the Galicians. I have at least a few ancestors from Galicia. Maybe that’s why I have been called to worship the Celtic Gods.
And not just the Tuatha Dé Danann.
I especially enjoy Gallo Roman and Romano British religions I find. And the Spaniards like many others, were conquered and assimilated by the Romans. That’s why Spanish speakers are called Latinos or Latins. Maybe there’s a missing links there somewhere? I don’t know. But I feel like I need to renew myself with a trip somewhere.
I have been thinking about it for a while now. In fact that’s all my OCD brain can think of. Now I’m thinking about cheese pizza. See what I mean? My weird ass brain can’t stay on topic.
I need me some fatty goodness right about now.
I’m also randomly thinking about running away to join the circus. One that doesn’t have animals. Don’t want to abuse them. I can be a real fortune teller. And maybe tell people their fortunes for money.
I’ll open up a YouTube channel called “The Master Lord Psychic” and command everyone to bow down before me and feed me cheese pizza. Yes? No? Yeah my chronic insomnia has kicked in. And I can’t take my damn sleeping meds because I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I am fasting. Boooooo! So your Lord and Master (Psychic) really wishes he could jump into the beach waters right now. The heat is insane.
It was so hot today I think a lawyer donated to charity by mistake. So yeah, I am here. Being lazy and writing about being lazy and having insane thoughts and delusions of grandeur. Like being your cheese lord. I like four extra types of cheese on my pizza by the way.
Now that’s not the actual name of the law. But it’s a hell of a lot more honest. And it tells you exactly what it’s meant to do. Basically, if a Doctor doesn’t like a person because they have a “religious objection” to who they are or their life style, or whatever, they and the insurance companies can deny healthcare. Which means that if a person is Gay they can be denied.
If the doctor doesn’t like a patient’s religion, they can deny care to that person. And so on and so on. It can even allow someone to deny healthcare to minorities. I mean think about it : Nazis have their own weird religious views. An undercover fascist can easily say their religion prohibits them from treating a person who is black.
This law is meant to strike fear into non white people. Hispanics are already being forced out of here. I’m just wondering when they decide to strip non whites of American nationality even if they were born here. Like Hitler did to the Jews. God I hate this country.
And I hate that I hate it. But I can’t say that I love America. Not with a straight face at any rate. This regime is insane. I’m expecting people will be leaving Florida and other parts of the country on boats soon.
Meanwhile my people (Cuban Exiles) are so blind in their faith for this man. Can they really not see he will turn on them too? That he already has? He’s been sending Cubans back. Or putting them in detention centers. I’m just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Gods help us.
Many of you are probably asking why I am posting this. It’s only partially religious. Also remember I am a Christo Pagan. It’s mostly paranormal. Some weird shit that happened to me last night.
But I should start from the beginning.
Santeria and Latin America
Santeria is a mix of the Catholic religion with traditional Yoruba religion from Nigeria. It isn’t Vodou per say, but it does have some things in common. Santeria also have deep connections to Spiritualism. Spiritualism and Spiritism actually. Especially those things taught to us by Allan Kardec.
In Latin America and in Santeria, magic is usually never practiced during Holy Week. The reason for this, is do to Catholic traditions. In which the crosses and altars are hidden from view during this time. White cloths are placed over the sacred items. And we Santeros and even Spiritualists and Spiritists do the same.
To honor Christ. A spiritualist once told me that during this time, Jesus re-enters the underworld. And he’s there to cross over innocent souls still trapped in Purgatory. Until he spiritually resurrects after Good Friday. In which case he goes back to Heaven with all of the souls he has saved.
So perhaps it’s not right to say we can’t practice magic. We can. But it’s a spiritual type of magic. We pray and study scriptures or spiritual things with our spirit guides. We just don’t burn candles.
Instead we allow the energy or power of God to do it all for us. So Holy Week can be a very sweet and spiritually fulfilling time. However, as I have mentioned before and will keep mentioning, everything has a dark side.
The Dark Side of Holy Week
It’s said that on the day Christ was crucified, there were all sorts of demons reveling. They had failed to stop him from accomplishing his mission. So they decided to celebrate that he was suffering and dying. A small “victory” for their side. And that has become a tradition ever since.
Demons tend to have their own celebrations at this time. And practitioners of black magic tend to perform rituals and honor to their own evil spirits as well. I say practitioners because not every evil sorcerer is a Satanist. But the main belief is that before, after, and even during a holy day or week, they celebrate. All in order to mock whatever higher power has a feast day.
This isn’t just a Christian thing. Similar things can be found in other faiths. Where black rites and evil spirits celebrating can be found during the feast days of other Gods. The point is to commit sacrilege against the holy. We see the same on other holy days.
We see it on Walpurgisnacht (Walpurga’s night) which was originally the Christianized Beltane festival. It was believed the Devil and his followers gather on Mount Brocken in Germany. To celebrate their own black rites. To dance, and drink, and make merry. For this reason the evening of April 30th to May 1st is sacred to most Satanic groups.
Granted, this arose from the Christian perversion of Nordic religion. Even calling Odin or Wotan a “devil”. Regardless of how it arose, in the 60’s Anton LaVey made Walpurgisnacht an official satanic holiday. So it is celebrated by many modern and traditional satanists. And even they say they believe the stories of Mount Brocken are true.
There are many people who think that Satan and his horde still hold court on that mountain to this day. To mock not just the Christian God, but the Pagan Gods as well. So it’s not just the Christians getting harassed by these dark powers. It’s us too. And something similar is found in Santeria.
It’s believed that no Santero, Witch, or Spiritualist will practice magic on this day. Except someone who is intentionally trying to work with the darker spiritual forces. This doesn’t always mean a Satanist though. A Santero might break the taboo. If they think that in order to help their client, they need the aid of darker forces.
Now let me clarify, Santeros and Witches in general don’t have a black and white mentality. We believe in using whatever we can get help from depending on a situation. So if we believe that we need help from the dark side, we will get help from them. That doesn’t mean that we will engage in Devil worship. Or that we will make it a habit of working with dark things all of the time.
But in order to help an abused woman. A child being violated. A person being harassed by a landlord. Or even someone who owes money to the wrong people, we won’t hesitate to dip our toes in the darkness for it. And that is a long Judeo Christian tradition.
Going back to Moshe (Moses) who often used dark arts to help his people. As well as King Solomon who learned to bind demons and employ them against his enemies. So don’t think that we are unholy for doing this. It goes back to Biblical times.
Strange Visions in the Night
Now I am not saying I saw a Flying Head from indigenous religion. I live in Florida. And we have totally different Native groups here. But I did see something and whatever it was decided to come fuck with me in the night. It was strange.
Technically, it started Sunday night. But I didn’t put two and two together until recently. On Sunday I felt….something nasty. It made me uneasy. In the middle of the night I felt that that deep primordial fear of something nearby. It wasn’t in my room though.
But whatever it was, made me feel like a child again. I was scared. I figured it was just a bad dream. Until last night. Because last night I had strange dreams and visions.
And one of them, was of a floating head outside of my window.
It couldn’t enter my room because my house is a temple. There are shrine-altars everywhere. And the home is specifically consecrated through a dedication ritual to block things out. And my room has the most shrines of all. Even on my window.
So it couldn’t enter.
But I felt it saying something in English. It said something about “gathering souls” to eat. It unsettled me. I couldn’t make out any features because it was just a large shadow outside my window. At this point I still thought it was a nightmare and forced myself to become more awake.
I didn’t think anything of it. Until I heard weird noises all around me. Then I heard a scratching sound on the front door of the house. But again, I have protection everywhere. I didn’t do any of my normal protection spells do to Holy Week.
So instead I slept with a blessed confirmation Bible under my pillow. I finally realized it was all real when I used my sight. I could see the shadow of a haggard old woman with native features. She was floating above the roof top of my house.
“What the fuck?” I shouted.
I was almost waiting for an answer. My friend had recently told me she noticed a lot of dark activity near my home. And that I needed to be careful. I live on a crossroads. Which are interdimensional portals.
But besides that, the lands here always had something off with them. There are good spirits here trust me. And the Land Spirit is good too. But there’s also a lot of weird shit here. At some point I had to do a Deliverance to get rid of the spirits showing up here.
Finally, I got fed up with this shit. I took the confirmation Bible in my hands. And I focused on the energies of the entities. And I put them together in one image in my mind. A mental representation.
Similar to a Voodoo Doll. And I said,
“In the name of Adonai Tzevaot (Lord of Hosts) I command you to leave me alone and go to Gehenna(Hell) where you belong,”
Then, I focused in the image in my mind. And I smashed it over the head with the confirmation Bible in my hands. I heard multiple voices shriek in terror and pain. And anger, as if they were cursing my name in another language. And they finally fled.
But it took a good five minutes before they left. If they didn’t leave I had a plan B. After I was satisfied they were gone I began to pray. In retrospect I should have from the beginning. I commended myself and my home to God and asked for our protection.
After that all I had was peace.
I am going to do a special protection prayer and cleanse my shrine-altars again. I have some protection oil my sister got from a Hoodoo store in Georgia. And I will combine that with prayers to the Archangel Michael. But I had the strangest feeling when I woke up this morning. It was actually a memory of a dream I had after this took place.
I heard a nasty, diabolical, voice tell me I was being tested. To prove that I am as good a man as I think I am. I guess whatever it is got pissed off I drove them away. All I know for sure is that whatever this is, it isn’t over yet.
I’ll keep you all posted, be safe everyone. Some nasty shit is out and about these days. And they don’t care what God or Goddess you follow. They just want to feed.
Post Script : This is the continuation of what happened.
Yes I said it. Except for the brave teachers, you couldn’t find a single person on most of these right wing extremist school boards with one pair of balls between the lot of them!
Look at this shit!
So now a Civil Rights Class was taken away. Because ONE student felt uncomfortable that the history of Racism and Segregation was being taught. We keep hearing all this fucking bullshit about the “woke mob” and “liberal cancel culture” but none of these assholes have explained how most of the cancel culture is coming from the Right Wing. Not the Left Wing. I am so sick of this shit it’s not even funny.
God, I used to love this country. But I am starting to hate it more and more everyday. My family should have stayed in Cuba. At least over there, there is Universal Healthcare, Free Education, and laws against racism. And anyone can run as a Senator or mayor or whatever based on their own merit.
They don’t need a corporate PAC just to run.
As time passes by, I’m starting to see that Socialism is the right course for humanity. Because Capitalism isn’t just failing, it’s dying. And soon Western Civilization will as well. The Third World will probably not just survive, but one day flourish. Without the choke hold of the West, they will become the true beacon for Democracy.
And no doubt people from this part of the world will be illegally crossing borders. And going in boats to reach these promising lands. Perhaps in this way, finally, indigenous peoples will retake their land and sovereignty. Only after the settler population and other groups of people have left. Which is common, only when a place has been burned and salted to the ground is anything ever given to oppressed peoples.
Oh and look at this. A third grader told by her teacher that she isn’t allowed to do a project on Bessie Coleman. The first Native American and African American woman to be a Pilot, as her hero.
Ashley Krave belongs to Club Krave, a BDSM Club in Miami and Boca Raton Florida. They like to troll the local politicians. Last time it was Mistress Krave who showed up dressed from head to toe in leather. Along with her two chained slaves, she commanded City Hall to start funding for a Public BDSM Dungeon 😂 I love them. They make the most hilarious pranks.
Lmao gotta love Ashley
Some after politics dinner
Now that’s my kind of nurse lol
The kid in the glasses wishes he was this old man lol
Awwww he’s helping her do the shopping
Here she is Trolling Grandma’s lol
And Ashley also dances sexy in front of cars stuck in traffic. She’s really funny.
“Praises to you O Lords and Ladies, blessings to you who answer prayers! Thank you for lifting me up high when I was low, for putting a smile on your child’s face once more!
If you remember yesterday’s post, I was in the middle of a Greek ritual. And for some reason I started spontaneously praying to the Gods for something other than my usual requests. In fact it was almost like my subconscious was coming out. Usually on Noumenia I ask for cleansing and purification with Apollon Noumenious. Or I ask Selene and Endymion for money since the moon and the Stars are associated with money.
And I work with Zeus Ktesios and Hestia on bringing prosperity to the Household. But I ended up asking for the original cold weather of my early childhood. Of waking up one morning and feeling the brisk chill. And seeing cirrus clouds in all of their feathery splendor. So I just went with it.
And this morning it was a beautiful grey day! When I was a child I loved days like this. When it would rain I used to pretend I was Captain Nemo. And I played with my maternal grandmother. Usually with a Nick Jr. cartoon or puppet show. My favorite was Eureka’s Castle.
The Tuatha de Dannan have recently been making their way back into my life. When I started out doing magic, like many I fell into Wicca. During this time, I was exposed to the many Gods and spirits of the people in the United Kingdom. And the Greek Gods. My Master even says the pantheon there is more like a “UK Pantheon”.
Because the cultures and peoples are so mixed in this area that no one culture can describe it. From the Welsh and the Irish, to the people of the Isle of Man and the West Country. I had worked as an eclectic witch for years. Then I decided that while I am very good at eclectic magic, I wanted to study and officially serve the Gods. In each of their cultures.
I had already initiated into Greek Polytheism/Paganism. But I still hadn’t reconnected to my Celtic roots. And I began to look around for a person to teach me. Properly. For a while that was a bust.
Until one day I found out that in my Greek Temple there was a Druid. And not just any Druid, but an elder in her tradition. I couldn’t believe my luck. Here she was. My Master.
Fast forward to the present. I have been studying them. And lately they have been very vocal. Besides the totem pole that I shared yesterday, I also have been giving them libations. And food.
And for some reason I thought of them when praying to Selene. The Tuatha are Faerie Gods. And many of the Fair Folk work with the moon. Maybe that’s why they entered my working. But I prayed with all my might.
Prayed for that chilly weather that makes me relive the happiest times of my early life. And the next day, they answered,
Some shots from the Balcony
My Balcony Garden
The Sun partially came out near the end but that was okay
Now I’m sure some idiot somewhere is going to come on here and say, this proves nothing. Or it’s coincidence. Let me say this : normally I would agree that it isn’t enough to be evidence. But lately our “spring” in Miami is more like Summer. Even for Florida, we have had historically high temperatures.
Courtesy of Global Warming. Some of the heat we have experienced hasn’t been seen since past centuries.
In fact, whenever the meteorologists claim a cold front will come, we don’t bat an eye anymore. Almost all cold fronts before this one have failed miserably. And they were stronger and had more of a chance of becoming cold weather than this meek little front. But instead we all saw a grey and cool day. With heavy clouds.
A good cool wind, and a gigantic smile on my face.
Praise be to the Gods, for the Shining Ones have answered prayer
This seems like such a morbid subject. And maybe it is. It’s something that’s been on my mind lately. I’m observing the Parentalia. A Roman festival where the gateways of the dead are opened to the living.
When our ancestors are honored with banquets, prayers, and other offerings.
In the last week of the Parentalia, the Greeks have the Anthesteria (blossoming rites) sacred to Dionysus. Anthesteria has a touch of the chthonic in it. I have been meditating on the dead everyday. On people I have lost. Friends and mentors.
Relatives. Animals that I have loved as children. It’s not all because of the Parentalia or the Anthesteria. It’s also because I have a health scare. I am too obese for my height.
And I am hypertensive now. And pre-diabetic. I gave my mother a good scare today. All I could think of was, if I died today, how will she and my dog be? I’ve been suffering from low blood pressure lately. And I’ve been having these throbbing headaches.
I keep thinking about something my Druid master had been teaching me. I have studied death midwifery as part of my necromancy. I’ve been helping the dead since I first came into my power. Protecting them from predatory spirits. Assisting them with crossovers and also aiding their living families.
After all that, I now realized I should have made a will for myself. And paid a for my own funeral. There was a wise Santero. His wife and him were both masters of magic. And well known in some parts of Miami.
My mom is the nurse that goes to her house to assist the doctor there. She learned this man had paid for his own funeral years in advance. So that by the time he actually died, it would be paid in full. And his family would be okay. He was buried in all honors like King Tut.
Which leads me to other things. To how the ancient Egyptians believed that preparation for the afterlife was so important, you had to dedicate part of your life towards it. So what seems morbid to others is actually preparing for the next life. Necromancy isn’t some morbid fascination with death. It’s the celebration of life and continuing it and even conquering death.
Or at least living with it in a way that doesn’t scare anyone. But now I am thinking I need to set up a living will. I don’t really own much. But I need to make sure my things are taken care of so my family doesn’t have to do it. I need to ensure that my spell books and idols go to someone who would appreciate them.
Preferably someone who wouldn’t abuse them or separate them. Or sell them. They are a family and belong together. Some of them are spirits I made friends with. They need a new friend and caretaker.
Furniture and clothing to go to someone who needs it. And finally, rituals done. Funerary rituals done for me. And a 13 day purification ritual done on my home so that the spirit of death can be chased away. And my family can live in a clean and cleansed home.
In my case I don’t want or need a grave. I want to be burned. Most Cubans I know want that. Most people regard corpses as empty shells that have outlived their use. For necromancers not so much.
We understand they can have all manner of uses. But I don’t want or need someone digging me up (no I haven’t done that). And I don’t want my shell. All I want is for the ashes to be tossed somewhere and that’s that. Not even kept.
I have heard there is an environmentally friendly use for ashes now. It’s a way to contribute to life. No, I am not suicidal. I am worried. Worried that if something happens, I’m just not ready for it.
I mean if I passed away tonight, none of you would know it. I don’t have a contingency plan for it. I realize now that I need to make one. And entrust several people with how to send out the message should it happen. And not just for here.
Old relations that I have fallen out of touch with. To make sure they are aware of me gone. To get a network of people to do special prayers and rituals on my behalf. To ensure I cross over. And of course from different religions because that’s just how I roll.
To reach out to certain women I have loved in my life. Who I didn’t treat the way they deserved. To tell them that I have passed. I have been trying to make amends lately for being such an asshole in the past. But I have been unsuccessful because I lost touch with so many people.
It’s really hard.
I have been thinking of some ex girlfriends, and realized they really did love me. But I was incapable of truly loving them back. Because I didn’t know how to. My father wasn’t a good role model. Between cheating on my mom and also being an abusive prick who even stalked her.
All of my examples of a “healthy” relationship were patriarchal and sexist shit. Do I even deserve to be loved? I had it before. And I sneered at it. Mocked it. Abandoned it.
Which is why I deserved what I got a few years ago. Someone I wanted to marry, left me. She said,
“I can’t be with someone who is so angry with life,”
And she was right. In the end she did us both a favor. For her sanity and mine. I get it now. But back then I didn’t.
I lost everything I worked so hard for in just three days after our breakup. I lost the respect of my peers. I lost my job a few months after this. I lost my will to truly live my life. I lost respect in the eyes of certain relatives who told me, that my reaction was “unmanly”.
That figuratively speaking my manhood was taken away by my ex.
She basically insinuated that I lost some of my worthiness by falling apart. That I should have just let her go and move on. I couldn’t believe this person told me this and thought it was helpful critique. I didn’t know what to say to that. Which is why I didn’t even bother telling any of the male relatives, it probably would have been worse.
I ended up a thousand dollars in debt to the hospital. Turns out heartache in general feels suspiciously like a heart attack. My purpose in life was to help build us a life. I wanted her to have all of her dreams. But me taking the caretaker role was probably sexist to begin with.
Maybe she didn’t want that. Maybe I was being domineering without meaning to be. I don’t know. All I can think is that I lost myself somewhere along the way. And then lost her.
Of Dreams at Night
I keep envisioning my life alone in the future. With animals in an animal sanctuary somewhere off the beaten path. There’s this man on a Greek Island called Takis. He gave up everything to save the dogs of Crete. Guy was a nightclub promoter and he gave it all for them.
And now he has a massive land in the middle of no where with animals he saves. He gets up at dawn and works until 2am everyday. Did I say alone? Never mind. Fuck that shit. Maybe I wouldn’t go that far.
I would get bring many homeless people. And we would have a commune. And the work would be divided between a night shift and a day shift. That way it would work around the clock. We would grow our own food.
Be Vegan so we wouldn’t kill animals. Heck maybe a bunker. Why not? If some idiot presses a button we could at least survive. I’d love to just have a Mount Weather style bunker within a mountain. But I would want it to be like the Dwarf fortress in Lord of the Rings.
Some badassery right there. Maybe invite others and grow a community. Scientists and mystics, hippies and free thinkers, and artists. Librarians with every book you could imagine. These are things I often dream about but have not done.
So much I want to do. But right now I need to focus on keeping my health. And on making special plans in case something were to happen to me. Florida has become too insane even by Florida standards. Now we have road rage shootings.
Now you have to be prepared for all things.
These are just some of my thoughts at night. I lay awake in the early hours of Saturday morning. Afraid to go to sleep in case I not wake up again. The worst part? Not having romantic love. I have familial love.
And the love of my dog and friends. But you need other types of love. Someone to warm your bed at night. To lay next to and tell you everything will be okay. A true partner to adore with all of your heart and soul.
I relish that love that I took for granted once.
How I wish I could have it again. How I wish this loneliness would just die and leave me be. How could I feel so alone in a city filled with 455,075 people? I wish I knew the answer to that.
Today, I saw yet another great post from one of WordPress’ amazing Druid Writers. This Druid had written about the beauty of the Willow Tree. In fact the post was so nice, it actually inspired me to accidentally write a blog post. This post was originally a comment on the blog. They had mentioned how the Willow and it’s wonderful color was a welcome site in winter.
How the grey cold of winter made them felt less than enthused.
I couldn’t help but think about how fascinating it is that a person can react differently to every situation. For me, the lack of color on a grey and rainy day makes me feel calm and relaxed. It reminds me of my childhood. Florida is always sunny all year round and that crap gets annoying real fast. We don’t have any real seasons.
What passes for “winter” here would be considered spring in other places. For me the rain brings the cool weather. It’s a day for sleeping in, reading books, listening to radio mysteries and horror podcasts, watching my favorite creepy shows and movies (with a particular fondness for found footage movies). As a child, I used to wear my pajamas on a rainy day and pretend I was Captain Nemo. Riding in the nautilus.
I got the idea because it rained so heavily one day, that the waters were drizzling down the windows. It made it seem that my grandmother and I were under the sea. When it does actually get cold here, it’s nice to put clothes on rather than off. To try to be warm instead of melting like ice on a road of endless black tar and heat. To trade the ice cream for hot chocolate.
To spend extra time in the warmth of the bed. These are the things I often think about.