For those who don’t know, we had a combination of a New Moon, with a solar eclipse in Scorpio last Sunday. It lasted until Wednesday. Wednesday was when the solar eclipse happened. New Moons naturally belong to the dead and to dark spirits. And so are Solar Eclipses.
The Sun Gods enter their chthonic aspecks as Gods of the dead. This is the perfect time for the removal of negative energy. Or sending it out. I call these dark cleansings because we are working with dark energy to take the bad energy away. Like the Bloodmoon, a Scorpio based Eclipse (and really eclipses in general) force you to face that which you fear the most.
They force you to confront problems and burdens you’ve been holding onto for a long time. They also end a chapter of your life to start another. In my case, I had a very personal journey to make.
Dealing with the Sins of the Past
I got into an argument with someone from my past. And this person reminded me of a time when I wasn’t so spiritual. And in fact I didn’t care who I hurt as long as I got mine. Even people who loved me. And who I should have loved back.
When I was younger, and far more foolish, I was a misogynist. I didn’t think I was a misogynist back then. In fact I thought I was a feminist. What I was, was one of those wanna be “woke” assholes thinking I believed in equality. It wasn’t all fake.
I truly believed I was a feminist. Part of the reason I turned against Christianity was due to the way most churches treat women. Especially my church. I was raised to believe that men are above women by divine right. Or some other horseshit like that.
Because Adam was born before Eve etc.. even though the original Hebrew Bible says that Lilith was created at the same time as Adam. And she was his equal in all respects. I was a womanizer. A compulsive liar. I constantly cheated, and I didn’t fully understand that I was controlling.
I learned this abusive behavior mostly from my dad. But also from the church, and the culture of toxic masculinity that pervades the West. And even when the person I was with was a genuinely good person, I couldn’t be faithful. Sometimes when I cheated I convinced myself that I was “loyal” and that this other person was just a side person. Someone to satisfy me when my regular partner wasn’t around.
I look back on that now and feel disgusted with myself. I wasn’t the best big brother growing up either. I was a teenager and I was so caught up in my own bullshit that I didn’t see that my sister needed me. And my Mother and Paternal grandmother were at odds with me as well. For different reasons.
How could this have ever been me? I’m 36 years old now. Not some young, cocky, asshole. After opening my eyes to several truths, I began to change. To remold myself and cast aside the bad things in my heart and mind. To become a better person.
After becoming a Pagan and a Magician that quest took off to even greater levels. I learned about the Mother Goddesses. I formed an especially close link to Hera, Nemesis, Demeter, and Gaia to name just a few. To Inle and Oshun, and to Chang’e and Kwan Yin. I learned I had a lot of work to do.
And they had no issue kicking my ass from left to right in my mid 20’s to get me to learn. My relationship with my mother and grandmother was better. I made amends with my sister eventually. And I am still changing. Still learning.
But I no longer cheat, no longer lie, no longer think I am some big “woke” feminist ally. I pursue the goal of just being a good and decent person. When I can achieve that, truly achieve it, then maybe I can be called a feminist. Until then I feel that it’s an empty title. The Cuban Exiles tend to be homophobic.
Tend to be womanizers and liars. This isn’t me hating my own culture. I’m just being honest. For years I had decided to turn my back on all religion and spirituality. I went headlong into hedonism.
And I stopped caring about people. Which led to a lot of heart ache both for myself and the girls I dated in my youth. After the nasty experience I had last Saturday, I realized I was deluding myself. I had a reading done by a friend of mine in Utah. And she told me that until I apologize to the women I have hurt, I haven’t made any amends.
Little did I know, that all of this was playing out for a reason. Because Scorpio’s influence on the New Moon and the Solar Eclipse was moving karma around. This has been a burden on my soul for a very long time. And I had kept it deep within myself. I buried this part of my past because I didn’t want to admit I had ever been this ignorant.
I began calling up women from my past and apologizing. I sent more than a dozen emails. I even wrote letters by snail mail. Some didn’t care anymore. Others forgave me.
Some said they don’t know if they can forgive me, but my apologies gave them closure. And others I am still waiting to hear from via the letters. I had begone to make amends. I was ready to begin the dark cleansing with Scorpio.
I had to draw on my training to figure out how to perform this cleansing. A cleansing that would be strong enough to do this. To channel the power of the Scorpio fueled new moon and solar eclipse. I decided to do a burnt offering. Thing is, I have no intentions of ever hurting an animal.
The Pharmakos is the human version of a scapegoat. Humans would be chosen (or sometimes volunteer) to represent all the bad energy in a town or city. And then they would be thrown off a cliff after having weights of some sort attached. I know this is just an over simplification. So I linked an article from Harvard on this practice.
With the death of the Pharmakos, the bad energy was killed as well. In modern times, we use dolls or some other idol to be our Pharmakos in Greek expiation rituals. So I decided to incorporate the burnt offering practice with a Pharmakos.
My spirits reminded me of the power of burning magical papers and petitions to get things done. So I took a piece of Bible paper from my old catechism Bible. I collect Bible paper. It’s an old Bible so the pages started falling apart little by little. I mostly use them as paper talismans.
I drew the Triangle of Solomon on it. Now this is normally used for conjuring, trapping, and controlling a demon. The triangle protects the conjuring sorcerer. And the circle forces the entity inside and binds them. I summoned the sinful and bad parts of my soul into the circle.
And the triangle was keeping me safe so that as it burned, the bad energy couldn’t return or spread to anyone. I didn’t film it or take a picture. The last thing I needed was an image captured of negative energy burning. The paper was only beginning to be blessed by the Hearth in those images. So those images are safe.
I performed a technique in Yoruba religion called Sarayeye. This means you ceremonially use a spiritually charged item like an idol, herbs or flowers, food offering, stones or sticks, etc.. to absorb all the bad energy from your body. You take the chosen object and rub it from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. And you say words of power calling upon all bad things to leave your body. This can be anything, including bad luck and disease.
“May any harm or thing that causes harm, be displaced from my body and soul and bound into this offering,”
– Simple charm taught to me by an Elder in Santeria
In this case I did an hour long prayer. I poured my heart and soul into it. I even started shaking and crying at some point. Broke out into a cold sweat as if I had a fever. I felt nauseous.
The Gods spoke in divination later and told me I had “shed my sinful soul,”. As if I had separated from an evil twin. When the last of my wicked soul had left my body (well, as much as a normal human can shed) my body slowly went back to normal. I finished 10 mins before sunset. And I took the paper and burned it outside on a crossroads.
The smell of Bible paper was sweet. It almost smelled like Palo Santo to me. When the paper burned I felt a strange sort of relief. And the feeling of something that broke in me. And I felt what can only be described as spiritual pus leave my body.
The next day, I felt like shit. I was sore all over my body as if I had lifted a thousand pound truck. The holy fire of the hearth match and the paper’s own inherent holiness channeling the celestial fire. It felt as if the holy flames had burned what was evil inside me. This isn’t a magic bullet that makes my old selfish ways okay.
But it’s a starting point towards the path of redemption I hope. I also prayed to Zeus Meilichios for purification. Confessing my sins before his idol, and allowing him to take as much miasma away as possible. It’s a harder process than I thought. Each time it’s harder to talk to someone I hurt.
I wish the universe could have given me a warning ahead of time.
Karmic Structures and their destruction
After I had performed the ritual, I prayed to the Laughing Buddha. He’s always been a Buddha who has walked with me. A Patron and protector. I asked forgiveness for what I had done years before. And to find a way to be redeemed. I spoke to him out loud about everything.
An then I stopped suddenly. Suddenly I felt this disturbance. Like a rock thrown into water. And I felt him in my heart. Almost like having a conversation but without words.
He told me that my rituals and my attempt at amends weren’t enough. I needed more.
The Journey of Jetsun Milarepa
The story of Milarepa is a really messed up one. It starts like this. He came from a wealthy family. But when his father died, his aunt and uncle who were very greedy, stole all the property. As well as the money and left him and his mother nothing.
So his mother sent him away to learn the black arts.
When he returned as a powerful dark magus, his aunt and uncle were throwing a party. Their son was about to get married. And many people had come to attend to feast. He used his power to summon a giant Scorpion monster to raise the house. And 35 people died.
The aunt and uncle lived however. When the villagers came to kill him, he summoned a hailstorm that destroyed their crops. Which forced them all to back down. After years of wandering the land as a black magician, his heart grew heavy. He began to hate himself.
And to regret his past sins. He decided to learn new ways. And he found a Lama or “chief”. This is the Buddhist version of a Guru in Hinduism. It’s a teacher of the Dharma.
His Master would be Marpa the Translator. One of the greatest Buddhist masters of all time. Marpa was a hard Master to serve. The guy made him go through hell in order to prove himself worthy. I’ll spare you the long history lesson.
But he ordered Milarepa to build three towers and then destroy them. He later told Milarepa the reason for this. Each tower represented all of the bad karma and suffering he sent out into the world. The task had to be difficult because it was a sort of penance. Each time a tower was constructed, it was instantly imbued with all the bad spiritual energy.
And when it was destroyed, the karma was destroyed. That’s what the laughing Buddha told me to do. I have to create a karmic structure to destroy. In penance for my old ways. It was revealed to me by him what I had to do.
And how many times I had to do it. That part of my ceremony I won’t talk about. It’s just for me to know. I started on that already. And hopefully I can continue to make amends.
What I can say however is that it’s not a large structure. And it isn’t as many times as Milarepa. While my past self may not have been too enlightened, I never summoned a giant scorpion to kill people. Here’s hoping I can continue my path towards making amends.