This year I did not divine on the Eve of St. Mark. Apollo came to me in a vision clad in black and told me there was no need. They would be revealed to me in a few days. And sadly he was right. Because by the next day (St. Mark’s Day) it was revealed that my uncle’s wife has an aunt who had a massive stroke.
And she’s expected to die. Yesterday I was told by my uncle that my great uncle was also hit by a stroke. We were told he’s expected to die within a matter of hours. Despite all of that, I am not upset. Mostly because I wasn’t too close with either.
But also because after my grandfather’s death predicted by St. Mark’s Eve, I am not scared or shocked anymore. It would have to be someone really close to me. Maybe that’s callous but it also happens to be true.
The shadow of death has fallen. In conjunction with Lord Hermès entering his retrograde. And with St. Mark and St. George who I believe are riding the winds in a sort of invisible wild hunt. The energy is changing all around us.
A reaping in Spring is what I call it.
When my relatives pass I might not be able to do readings or magic. It all depends on my emotional or spiritual state. I am also going to ask my high priest what is or isn’t allowed during mourning. For the ancient Greeks, there was a 13 day morning period in which the Gods could not be worshipped. The reason for this is because we are spiritually and energetically unclean during that time.
Not because we are “unworthy” but because death is a powerful negative force. And it leaves a temporary spiritual taint even in people surrounded by death. That lasts at least that long. For the Romans it was 9 days.
I am not sad but I do feel numb. So much death and so fast. Last year there was no one I knew who was going to die at that St. Mark’s Divination. So it’s been at least a year since I didn’t lose anyone. And lately I’ve been thinking about my pain.
And how to make it stop. I keep thinking about going to therapy again. Maybe I should. I think I need to refresh my brain. And truthfully what I really need is a vacation.
A real fucking vacation. Maybe Cuba. Go there and visit the Sierra Maestra mountains and meet the indigenous people there. Get a cleansing done. Visit the other spiritual people there.
Or Haiti. I have dreamed of Haiti since I started practicing Voodoo and Hoodoo. Since I have worshipped the Loa. And even had a strange dream about going there that had a lot of religious significance. I feel like Haiti is as much home as Cuba is.
Write my stories again. Gods know I would love that. If only I could fucking afford it. I just need a day off. A real day off.
I have decided to do shadow work again. It’s been a long time since I confronted my shadow self. I need to listen to him again and see what the root of my problems are. And also apologize to him for not being the best caretaker. I care about everyone else but not me.
I think things were better when I was selfish. Then I didn’t need to care about anyone else. Just me and whatever I wanted. I look back on my earlier life. And I started thinking : I may not have accomplished much but damn it I had some fun.
More fun than I’m having now. Ever since I became Mr. Save the world I don’t have as much fun. You know there was a funny fortune cookie that once said,
“Nostalgia is realizing things weren’t quiet as bad as we thought before,”
Or something like that. I wonder if I will look at this time with nostalgia. I have a feeling of impending doom almost. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. The waiting is killing me. And what’s worse is thinking I am crazy for waiting for something bad to happen that might not happen at all.
Sorry for being Emo. Its annoying as hell I know. But I can feel a mass reaping coming on. Maybe it’s the war in Ukraine or maybe it’s something else. Either way now is the time to prepare and do rituals and prayers to ward it off.
If you are into apotropaic magic now is the time to do special rituals to protect yourself. I would also recommend special cleansings. Since both Saints Mark and George’s feasts passed recently I think I will appeal to them. Well that’s all for now. Take care of yourselves is all I can say.
I have to go Adult and actually treat myself good (damn it)